I’m entirely unsure why it is that I wake up every morning. It isn’t because I can’t help it, for I could easily and without a second thought abandon this life. And it isn’t because I believe I have some grand purpose that I must achieve. I’m not afraid to die, living frightens me more, actually. It is hard to put anything into words now. My thoughts are too complex and I don’t even try to understand them anymore, because I see no point. I think what I think. Who can change that? What can change that? Will my controlling, contorting, analysing make my thoughts normal? I doubt it. I don’t even want to think anymore. The desire to dull my mind and slow my thoughts is fantastic at this point. But surprisingly, I do not want to cut myself. Not at all. I want permanent damage, and scars don’t lower one’s IQ.