My fears are what make me stronger.

To overcome them, each and every single one, would make me the strongest person in my world.

So that's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to lose my fear for him.
I'm going to lose my fear for loss.
I'm going to lose my fear for rejection.
I'm going to lose my fear for the past. <-- that's the biggest, honestly.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm not worth anything just because of the past.
I'm tired of letting it drag me down.
I'm tired of looking at people hurt themselves and thinking about how that could be me.

So I'm done.

I'm done not believing in myself.
I'm done not being who I want to be.
I'm done with feeling like shxx.
I'm done being a pretender.



Wanna know the truth?

-I feel like shxx 90% of the time, and I don't know why and so I don't act it.

-I randomly get really depressed and all I do is cry. And I hate that.

-All I do is wish. But I can never make my wishes a reality.

-I want to be average. I want to struggle. I want to be an ordinary no-life. Then maybe some people wouldn't get mad at me so much.

- I used to be suicidal. I knew exactly how I was going to kill myself and what I would say in my good bye letters. (All the important people in my life would get a letter to themselves, then everyone else who wasn't as important would get a couple sentences in a giant letter.)

-I can fake happiness too easily. No one knew I was suicidal until I told them, even after I had already attempted it and failed.

-I just want a happy family. I want at least three kids, if not more, for me to give up my time to. And I want a husband to love me.

-I just want love. I want to be someone's hero. I want someone to look up to me one day.




And, I guess all I'm trying to say is... I'm changing. Finally.