I know he's a playboy. I know he hurt me in the past. I know the only reason he would ever date me now is because of my looks. I know if he ever dated me, it would be highly unlikely that our relationship would ever work out.

But yet, I can't stop what I'm feeling for him. Which, I don't even know what I am feeling for him. Before, I thought I'd try to get him to date me for revenge (and then I'd later break up with him after he got attached to me), but I stopped that thought. That's just not the type of person I am. After that, I figured the only reason I wanted him to date me was because I just wanted to see if our personality types would work: an outgoing playboy and a shy, innocent, tomboy who wouldn't ever give up her virginity willingly until she was married.

But if that was the only reason I wanted him to date me, then why do I constantly think so much about him? Why does my heart speed up whenever he talks to me or is even near me? Why do I want him to notice me?

I know it's nothing more than a crush, if it's even that, but I don't understand why, out of all the boys, I would choose him. Especially because a few years ago, I hated him with a passion.

I just can't understand why I'm so attracted to him. Why I'm so attracted to playboys.